The Need, The Want and The Fear of Love

We as humans by nature are social beings. We need to feel the presence of others around us to feel alive. Many times this presence develops into something else. We develop feelings and emotions. Yet, most of the time we live in denial of this. We pretend that what we are going through is an illusion, we refuse to let go of the fear of abandonment that I think we develop in our early childhood experiences. This remains with us in our subconscious and paves the way for us to emotionally close off to our true desires. Often people connect on a level at which their mere being together causes sparks to fly. But this feeling soon grows into a habit, and we never stop and take a look back on how lucky we are to have found what we have. Since we need this feeling, and we do because we spend most of our time fantasizing and looking for it, why are we in such a hurry to foreshadow the low end of it we are sure is bound to be around the corner? There must be something programmed inside our heads that leads us to see the darker side of things. We want it, since we are most likely to do almost anything to obtain it. Then why do fear it so much? Do we fear to be right about the assumptions that arise at the peak of our joy or are do we fear the state in which we will be thrown back if those darker images spawn into reality. I think that most of the time they do materialize simple since in our inner selves we want them to. We need to feel the misery and the pain to reflect back on the sunnier times and promise ourselves that the next time things will be different. But will they? Will this next chance ever present itself? Some people go through their entire lives looking for this ultimate high state of love, when in fact it probably was there right in front of them this whole time. Take a look around and reflect. It’s there. Grab it! And once you have it within your possession, try not to sneak back into the fear in the back of our head. Focus on the need and the want!

Relative Happiness

What makes you happy? Isn’t happiness as relative as taste in music, understanding of beauty or lifestyle choices? I spent some time thinking about what is it that truly makes me happy. I made a list. I then asked several other people what makes them happy? And although certain things were the same as mine…many others differed. So what is happiness? Family? Wealth? Waking up every morning? The ability to see, hear, taste? All these things are pieces to the puzzle, but what does this puzzle look like once complete? What does it resemble? This question was on my mind the whole entire day. I talked to my mom, taking into consideration the age difference, thinking that the way she perceives happiness would differ from me, but apparently we had more in common then a friend who is my age. I even talked to two completely different types of people, a young successful business man and an old security guard…they had more in common then my younger sister and her friend. This made the puzzle seem even more complex. If two persons who seem to be the complete opposites of each other have more in common in the understanding of happiness then two young girls of the same age and social class…what is it that determines out perception of happiness? To some money is the universal key to the gate of everlasting joy.Others see that in the eyes of their newborn.A third party only sees this joy when following a path to fulfill their own desires of lust and passion.I guess what it all comes to is that happiness is not all that relative. Since apparently relative is something much more complex then it seems.Happiness is that one thing that defines the moment of tension release within a person, the fraction of a second when the muscles in our face tense to form a smile. And the reason to why this happens could be anything…No matter what that reason is, a person will go to mortifying lengths and heights to achieve it. And that’s when happiness seems to be more of a scare then a relief.

Never Stop Thinking

In the recent past years I have come to notice that less and less people around me are willing to think! It’s not illegal yet! Then how come do we find ourselves Googling and Yahooing the answers to every question that rises in our heads! Many blame television! Others blame video games consoles and other entertainment sources that are favored by the upcoming generations. But these products will never stop seducing our eyes, since our eyes are the sources of what we think we need and simply cannot live without! Thought has become conveniently unavailable to all the kids. And why should it be? All they have to do is write their question in an empty slot and more than hundred solutions will appear in less then five seconds. Everyday we tend to think less and less about everything and nothing that surrounds us! We simply walk through our days, led by the advertisements on the streets, on our radios and television sets! They do all the thinking for us. And we simply surrender to their power! Some of us try to fight back! They limit the hours they spend in front of their televisions. But is that enough? Others claim to be neutral to the whole idea. But how can we afford to be neutral in this fast paced world of immoral formality? So what are the solutions? I don’t think that television is the devil, or anything in that field of lexicons describing evil. It does have interesting information on certain occasions, and the internet is great! This dilemma is complex. Its like a labyrinth where one loses her mind, his senses and their powers!

The Need to Attract

This constant need to attract attention to ourselves is not likely to go away anytime soon. Perfumes, hairstyles and clothes! Fashion in general consumes and preys on the human need to attract attention to themselves, as well as to separate somehow from the rest. Even though many believe that it is only the women that constantly strive to achieve a look that will place them on a higher pedestal from all the others around them, I believe that men are involved in this web and ongoing game for distinction and are not playing in a slower pace at all. We all need to be distinct. We all are distinct! It’s in our D.N.A. We don’t look alike under the microscope; neither are we similar from miles away or face to face. In a group of either sexes, the members are competing to look better, to the very least look their best! We feed on the compliments and the looks that are thrown our way from every direction at any given place or time. It’s funny how some people claim to look for the inner beauty of a person. When reflecting on such boasts, I always wonder…how you will see the inside character and quality of anyone if their physical look is something you will most certainly miss. If a person looks as plain as a white piece of cloth, will you seriously take the time to see the kind of material that cloth is? So flaunt and parade yourself in the best way you know you can! Attract with no mercy! Morals are lovely, but even they have been upgraded. Invent new colors! Stand out!

Fatal Attraction to Beauty

As Rabih Alameddine once said “It’s a good thing a mother’s vagina contracts after delivery or everybody would try to crawl back in!” That’s exactly what’s happening in our society of Dior Facelifts and Vivienne Botox injections! I always used to think that oppressed emotions eventually turn into great art or murder justifications, but lately they simply seem to turn into the constant need to dial the fabulous doctor and schedule your next exotic razorblade body peeling session in order to look younger then your children. Now don’t get me wrong, beauty always has and always will be one if not the most important part of existence, I’m simply stating that the plastic surgery parties have gone out of hand and no place proves this more then Lebanon. The first days of college have turned into an early Halloween bash with hundreds of bandage covered, purple stained bloated faces gleefully parading around wondering why the hell hasn’t that other girl lifted her chin, reconstructed her cheekbone structure or at least turned her nose into a tiny bump with nostrils which will definitely make brain observation so much simpler. A friend of mine who was visiting Lebanon earlier this year was astonished to the point where we literally had to get out of the car and take a picture of him standing beneath a billboard advertisement which was advertising a bank loan for plastic surgeries. “There is no way my friends back home will believe this unless they see me standing beneath it!” he exclaimed with wide opened eyes and a sight-blinding American smile. His joy and excitement reached to the point where he was considering leaving his home country and move to Lebanon. The Lebanese society and its starvation for beauty has long ago turned the Lebanese outing and night life into a catwalk of glamour. But that’s great right? Off course it is, but this is only Lebanon as seen by an untrained eye! As long as we will have sleek macho guys confidently displaying their Dolce Armani shirts and Emporio Versace jeans at clubs to which they arrive in their old cars and spend the entire night with one drink in their hand, fashion and beauty will be an illusion, a scent that true “Haves” leave behind them for the “Have-Nots”. Now many people tell me: “Money will not bring happiness!” and I simply reply “No, but it will simply allow you to be miserably disgusted in comfort!” And I will stick to my belief call me what you may, and at the end of the day when my psychiatrist asks me if I’m ever troubled by immoral thoughts? I will simply reply “No, Doctor. Actually to be perfectly honest, I rather enjoy them!”

Is this the norm ?

She wakes up. Staring with her tired and sleepless eyes at her watch, she tries to trace back time to the last event before she passed out. Yes, she was at a club. Off course she didn’t pay the bill. What modern girl living in the fantasy of wealth she has none of, ever does? Tony took care of the bill, he always does! Her bodily odor has crawled through the thick wall of expensive French perfume. She reaches into her bag, a knock off of that three thousand one she saw at the mall, and picks up a small mirror. “Never looked worse!” she cries out as loud as she could fake knowing that everyone in the house will hear and run to protest that she looks great. No one comes through the door and it’s awfully quiet. Not the reaction that she played in her head a minute ago. She stands up and tries to find the bathroom. Ok, so if I am in the living room, the bathroom must be someplace at the end of one of these long corridors. She walks past some other people, whose faces are vaguely familiar. The bathroom door is at the end of the hall. Walking in, she locks the door behind her. Can’t wash the make up off, I’m not home! Damn! Exiting the bathroom, a new mission awaits. Find the cellular phone and call the cab after finding out exactly what part of town she is in and making up an appropriate excuse for the family for not spending the night at home and just exactly why her phone line was shut. Great! Carla is here! And she’s passed out next to that guy whom she met last night! What the hell was she thinking? Seriously, people should know when they don’t belong and not try so hard to blend in! At least she now knows that she is at Carla’s and that there is no way she can afford a taxi back home. Can’t call Ian, and explain why she isn’t at Mel’s studying for the finals. That bag in the corner looks genuine, so it must have some bucks in it, right? And whoever can afford a genuine LV will not mind a couple of green papers missing, plus if they are passed out after last night, they should assume that someone got away with paying the bill and made them pay instead taking into consideration that they are way too drunk to realize that they have already paid! Great! Got the cash, called the cab! Now think of the excuse for the family and then Ian. The cell phone’s battery died out and since she left the charger at home, and bringing up the fact that Mel’s phone is of different brand, which means that her charger did no good, Ian’s excuse seems pretty good. Anyway she’ll call him as soon as she gets home, frustrated how he did not find out Mel’s phone number and called her to see why her phone is off, this means he doesn’t care, he was probably out with someone else! Damn, this excuse might even get her that necklace she wants. Awesome! Now what do we tell the folks? Why didn’t she call them and tell them that she won’t be spending the night at home. The phone story will work out for the parents as well, but parents are not rich boyfriends and they will surely throw back the line “Why didn’t you call us on the house line?” Ok, relax, concentrate. Got it! Mel’s parents are out of town and Mel totally forgot to pay the phone bill. The parents don’t know that Mel has a cell phone. Wicked! Seems like this is just another one of those days when a girl can get away with anything as long as she has her wit, passion for life and high heels on.